AM I AN EGOIST

It is always painful to break up a relationship. As a guy who has not been in love recently, I don't know how convincing this could be to the poeple who have been in love and gotten out of it. Anyways... I just wonder sometimes if parting with a very close friend and breaking up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend are the same or entirely different!

Well, now friendship. Here I have good experience. Both building up and breaking up. And the funny thing is nothing was under my control... Sometimes i take pride in telling that i'm choosy about the people i talk to and become friends with; but the plain fact is that nothing was absolutely under my control.

There are friends whom i first thought i will never ever share a single joke but who have become very close in the near future. There are people whom i wanted to cut off but eventually after realising what a fool i've been to misjudge their actions and reactions, have become as close friends as any two ppl could ever be. Everything happened like magic. "Friends"... was and still remains a very simple word to me. The value big but i didn't have to work even a bit to get such great friends. Right from "Dinagaran Praliban Rajkanth Demal Jernas" whom i met in John's to the friends i have now.. They all just happened... I thought this will be the case with everyone else but i was really surprised to know that in a period spanning 4-5 years ppl had made harly 2 friends. Where as when i count, (not that i keep counts) my fingers are not enough. [well some of you maybe thinking i'm thinking too much of myself or i underestimate others, and i just like to say one thing. If they are not my friends, there is no thing called friendship in the world]

When has man ever remembered when he has everything good going on for him? I missed my school in college, i'm missing my UG life in PG, and this will go on.. This makes me remember a rather funny mail i received from someone...

a boy who was brought up in Chennai, got job in delhi. there he said oh "god i miss chennai". then with promotion he was sent to singapore... there he said "god i miss my life i used to have in delhi". they say he is not fit to be there and send him to madras. in home he says "god i miss my assistant rita and singapore". His parents decide to put a wedlock to him... one year down the line he says "got i miss the freedom i had when i was single". then he goes back to Singapore in order to make quick money.. For the first time in his life he says how much he missed his assistant rita while he was in home country. Eventually they have an affair and one day in bed rita asks "Honey.. when will you marry me?".

reality struck him. "SHIT... i miss my wife. SHE NEVER ASKS ME TO MARRY HER"

Well this little story is to lighten up the moment a bit. I have recently been into something like an argument with a friend. And this is not a pleasant feeling cause after that argument it looks like he is avoiding me. Such a sweet boy. Only a little lazy like i am but an intelligent one with some common sense. (well i believe that but sometimes he acts like he's got nothing :-( ).

I'm accused of being very open and upright and hurting others but thats one thing they like about me so much... but when i do the same with them, i don't konw where the bloody hell that "like about me so much" mind goes. When you ask me to be myself when i'm already being myself, he calls me an egoist. when i try to communicate that i am being myself and not what he thinks, he first says i don know what he is thinking and second... that i'm wayward.

Now i'm confused. Whats the point of asking me to be myslef when you don want me to be myself but you want me to be something that i'm not. The same idiot when i be polite with some other colleague to whom i don show my true colours; accuses me of being pretentious. Now what would he call me when i am pretending to be someone i'm not but someone he likes or wants me to be??? a friend !!!!

I don't want that title my friend... Atleast i'm not that desperate.

Dream big... but dream good. Have faith and be positive. Next time before calling me a name... Think if its worth bothering.... Meanwhile i'll be feeling compassionate that you've not had friends as good as i have to teach you the realities of life. GOD HELP YOU !!!